I don’t feel like I’m good enough to write
It’s complicated. Always the same thing. What makes me so special that I get to sit down and write? Why would anyone want to read about what I have to say? I didn’t study; what do I really know about life that could be valuable to anyone? I read articles and books and what gives them credibility is the fact that the people who have written then are either knowledgable in the field, or have an extensive background in academics to back up the fact that they wrote something thoughtful. I don’t like that I think like this because it holds me back. The older I get the clear it becomes that writing is a necessity for me to organise my thoughts. It’s an important outlet to battle the day to day struggles of an average person. I need this, just as the smoker needs a cigarette, or the drinker needs a drink. Writing is for sure the healthier choice, though I’d like to take a slice of the lack of inhibitions the alcoholic feels as they drink and apply it to my writing. I want to not worry about what others think as much. Who am I comparing myself to anyway? It’s likely always going to be someone more qualified than myself so why am I even worrying about it? I need to get on with the thing that makes me feel good, the thing that helps me navigate the world. Sort out my own issues, concentrate on what I can do, in my own smaller world to make my life and the lives of those around me better. I think too much about the need to put something out there that people can see. The reality is that most of what I write shouldn’t be shared anyway, it’s for me and that is ok. The feeling that I need to create content because I have a blog, and if people notice that I might not be actively working on my blog anymore then… then what? It doesn’t matter. The content economy is not something I want to play into anyway and if that’s the thing that’s in the forefront of my mind when writing, I need to take a step back and reevaluate why I’m actually doing this.